Flightless
by Shira Lansys
Summary: She wants to soar, but she's chained to the ground. And Lucy can do nothing but watch as she tears herself apart. Lily Luna/Lucy. Cousincest and femslash. Oneshot.


She has a new boyfriend every week. She doesn't love any of them – most of them she barely even likes. They're more… accessories, to pick up and drop whenever she desires. Something pretty to dangle off her arm and her every word.

So quickly forgotten when something newer and shinier comes along.

She never looks behind to see the carnage in her wake.

* * *

"So you just dumped him?" Lucy asks. Lily can hear the disapproval in her voice.

"Yeah," says Lily.

"Why?"

"Because that's how it works. You go out with someone and then you break up. Welcome to life."

Lucy looks at her cousin pityingly. "No, Lils," she says sadly. "It's not."

* * *

Rumours are like vultures; always circling overhead, diving for prey when it's at its weakest. Ever-present. Deadly.

And, as the news of Lily's escapades travels around the school, the sad fact is that the red-head doesn't even seem to notice that the carrions are pecking holes in her thin flesh.

She can't see the carnage of her life, and Lucy can't look away.

* * *

"Really, Lily?" Lucy asks sceptically. "Fluorescent green?"

Lily shakes her newly-dyed hair. "It's my colour, don't you think?" she asks. "And the teachers will do their nut!"

* * *

"You _had sex _withhim?"

"Chill, Luce," Lily replies, blasé and uncaring. She examines her aqua-green nails as though they're the most fascinating thing she'd ever seen. "People have sex. It's cool."

"No, it's not!" Lucy argues. Why was her cousin so pig-headed? "You don't love him, you don't like him, you didn't even know he existed until last week and now you've given your virginity to some random guy you barely know, and who is most definitely not your boyfriend!"

"Welcome to the twenty-first century." Lily smirks infuriatingly. "What's your problem, anyway?"

"You're my cousin and my friend, Lily," Lucy says, her tone both severe and kind at the same time. "And I'm really worried about you."

_And I'm in love with you_, she doesn't add. _I don't want you sleeping or kissing or dating hundreds of other boys. _

_Just me._

* * *

For once, Lucy visits Hogsmeade by herself. She needs new quills, and Lily's landed herself in detention again.

* * *

She finds Lily crying on her four-poster bed. Lucy's four-poster, that is.

"How'd you get in here?" Lucy asks as she climbs up beside Lily and wraps her arms around the sobbing girl.

"Rose gave me the password," Lily sobs. "They kicked me off the team, Lucy."

"Oh, Lily," she sighs.

"Don't say I told you so," Lily sniffles.

"I wasn't going to," Lucy reassures her, patting her back. "Although I will say that you should have listened to me."

"I just thought they'd give me detentions."

"Lily, you have detentions every night for two months straight. At some point the teachers were going to realise that they weren't succeeding in curving your rebellious ways."

"Why did they have to do that, though?"

* * *

"Really, Lily?" Lucy asks, crawling into the secret passage with her lit wand outstretched. "Firewhiskey? Did you not learn from last time."

"I learnted not to get caaaaught," Lily slurs. Lucy groans inwardly; why is she the one who always has to clean up her cousin's messes?

"I heard you broke up with Anderson," Lucy comments. "Is this why…?" She glances pointedly at the almost-empty bottle in Lily's hands.

"Nobody loves me," Lily says in a sing-sing voice. "But that's okay, because I love nobody. Nobody, nobody, nobody."

"Come on, Lils," says Lucy, taking the bottle off her cousin. "Let's get you back to your dorm."

She pulls Lily up and drapes her awkwardly over her shoulder. As the pair make their stumbling way out of the passage, Lily leans over and whispers in Lucy's ear. "We lesbians don't get our Prince Charmings, you know. We don't even get the princess."

* * *

Lucy can see her from Gryffindor tower, flying alone out on the Quidditch Pitch. She knows how much it must have hurt to have Quidditch taken off her.

She also knows it didn't make one whit of difference.

* * *

She's in the hospital wing again, leaving Lucy to go everywhere alone. It's so different, not being someone's shadow. Much more lonely.

In some ways, Lucy's glad that someone else found Lily spaced out on her bed this time. It wasn't exactly an overdose, but it was enough for the school to step in.

_Let someone else clean up the carnage, for once, _Lucy can't help thinking. _Merlin knows I've tried for long enough. _

* * *

"Thirty days sober," Lily says a month later as the pair sit by the lake, hidden from view by one of the large trees.

"And drug-free," Lucy adds with a small smile.

"It was more fun being drunk," Lily sighs.

"Two more months," Lucy reminds her. "Then we're out of school and you can do what you like, without the threat of being expelled."

Lily looks surprised. "I thought you didn't approve of my 'wayward behaviour'?" she asked, imitating the way Professor Plunket had said the phrase during her "intervention".

"I don't," Lucy says, "but I know that's what you're thinking. I know how your mind works."

"Yeah right," Lily replies.

"Is that a challenge?" Lucy asks with a smirk. Lily elegantly arcs one eyebrow in response.

Slowly, so slowly, Lucy leans over and presses her lips to Lily's.

It lasts only a second before Lily pulls away, her eyes panicked. "I can't, Lucy," she says. There's a catch in her voice.

"Why not?" Lucy asks. "I know you want it." It's more of a hunch, but it's one she's pretty sure about.

"I can't," Lily repeats, tears in her eyes. "I'm not a Gryffindor. I'm not brave like you."

Lucy doesn't get a chance to reply before Lily is on her feet and fleeing back towards the castle.

_I could make you brave,_ Lucy wants to reply. _We could be brave together. _


End file.
